Infertility and Emotional Health {Women Stuff}

Infertility often creates one of the most distressing life crises that a couple has ever experienced together. The long term inability to conceive a child can evoke significant feelings of loss. I have four friends who are facing this problem and all of them are coping with this problem differently. 

The multitude of medical decisions and the uncertainties that infertility brings can create great emotional upheaval for most couples. One of my friends is so depressed because of social and family pressures that she is keeping herself in a cave, metaphorically speaking. 

But that’s not a solution to any problem. If she won’t discuss things, probably she won’t realize about the many options available. It is important to keep yourself aware at such a juncture instead of shutting down so that one can find best solution. Who knows there is a light down the tunnel?

Two of my friends are dealing with it very positively. They are not blaming themselves or each other. They take things normally and stay cheerful always. They have actually made their mind that the last thing is always in our hands and that is adoption.

I think that’s perfect because getting pregnant is not the only way to be parents. Really hats off to one of my friend who has gone through five operations and had been to all the best centres but I never saw her crying and her husband is so very supportive. 

Everyone has feelings and emotional ups and downs as they pursue infertility treatment. But being negative can always make matters worst. And I have seen women suffer more than men in these situations because of the way we are raised, the beliefs implanted in us. 

Okay, let me tell you being a mother can’t be an ultimate ambition in our life. We have so many other things to do. Even women who doesn’t want to be a mother is forced to bear child and is called inhuman or emotionless. 

Men are not pressurized that way or probably they are brought up to repress their feelings or keep it to themselves. Because, they must be feeling the same pain but trying to be a strong and chivalrous lest they be taken not that much of man as they are supposed to be. 

Well, whatever problems we may have, we should not stop living our life. Don’t keep on postponing your vacation or take your career and relationships for granted. This is something I would totally agree with because I can see some people doing it for some unforeseen future. Its good to be optimistic but that's of no use if you can't live your present. 

Amazing post, Punam. Its very difficult to put such issues in words if one has never been through it. Oh btw guys, don't forget to check out Punam's homemade talcum powder.

Related Posts:

How do you feel when you are down?
Heart and Cardiovascular Diseases in Women?

Should I go for a baby or not?
My beauty after baby?

Should I go for a baby or not? {Women Stuff}

The reason why I am writing this post is because of a comment by one of the readers Nidhi. She wrote this -

hi Swati
i do not know whether my comment(question) would be apt here or not..but i would like to know ..is becoming a mother a good thing ?
i mean..i feel scared with all the responsibilities,pain,stretch marks,no time for self..and the list goes on.
my family is pressurising me and i do not know what is right ?
i love kids..may be am just scared of the responsibilities..but i want to know what good things happen after you become a mother (so that i can convince myself :)

First of all, any question or doubt you might have you can always speak of it so feel free to comment :) And, yes, thank you for putting up such a major issue. In fact, one of my colleagues is also going through the same phase.

She has been married for three years and now, the pressure from both sides of her family is impossible for hear to bear, in fact so much that she thinks it better to get a baby and relieved of the burden. But, the real wish was known when she suddenly started having her periods after a long spell and she shared with me how relieved she felt after that. Clearly, she is not mentally ready for it.

Now, to answer your question, I would ask another question. Do you think you are afraid of the responsibilities which come up with motherhood? Or, is it that you think its too soon and you would like to spend more time with your husband?

If its the first, the answer is obvious that you will never be "READY" for it. So, go ahead, plan a baby and with time, you will feel you have made the right decision. It will also help you to know many women do that and they never regret their decision :)

Now, the second alternative is a bit more complicated. It depends on how well you know your husband, how much of a relationship you share, how long you have been married, what were your aspirations and expectations with regards to your marriage. 

Essentially, if you have been married just for a year or your age is around 25 or less (not that I mean you should be pregnant if you hit 26!) or are a person who likes to take her own time to do everything in life, I would say wait for the right moment. In these cases, the intuition or the gut instinct of a person really helps. If you are that kinds, I would say it might do you good to wait.

So, Nidhi, the answer is that go to a gynaecologist and take a proper session with her about motherhood - the physical changes it demands from you, talk with your friends who might have kids (if you are first, I know how tough is that decision), talk to your husband, discuss all your fears and everything with him, know his mind and what he wants. 

Take time to decide but first know your own mind as to exactly what you want because ultimately its you who is going to bear the baby. I have also asked Punam to write something about it and incidentally she has the same story like yours so probably, you might be able to relate to her. The post should be coming in some days :)

And, to all your mothers and married ladies, what do you think about the most important decision in your life? Don't forget to comment and help out Nidhi :)

Other Women Issues:
How do you feel when you are down?
Heart and Cardiovascular Diseases in Women?